I'm really not a bad person and by that I mean a bad skunk

Ok so I have sprayed three people alright (maybe more you decide when this
story is over) but the first guy didn't really count . Well it wasn't done
in anger, he paid me to do it. I'm not a mean skunk. I don't spray my musk
at people for the hell of it. Seriously who thinks they're going to walk
into a random party and have someone offer them money to use a defense
(given to them by nature as a last resort) on them for money. Till this day
the weirdest thing I have ever heard or done .The second guy. That wolf
asshole was a perfect candidate for someone who deserved to be sprayed
by a skunk. If you are going to molest a girl passed out a party, make
sure she didn't attend that party with a skunk who is sensitive as to how
her friends are treated. That was pure emotion. I felt no remorse. I
didn't even really care when I was doing it about legal implications. In my mind it was like, “you are the scum of the earth, you must be punished, I have musk, you
don't and it is going in the worst places it can go: eyes, mouth, etc.”. I'm
sure he ended up in the hospital that night. My only regret is that I
couldn't have kept spraying him over and over all night long.
So after that night I figured my tail was down for good. I mean I doubted I
was a likely a candidate for a mugging, or a rape. Who tries to rape/mug a
skunk?

Actually I can tell you who. Every once in a while if it's night and the perpetrator thinks it's a dark fox, or something. If a skunk colors her tail and hair so her stripe isn't
visible. Then the guy thinks aha I'm going to rob this young black fox etc, and they get the surprise of a lifetime when the tail raises. I once heard this hilarious story on the news. This skunk girl had an all black tail and hair, so no stripe. This guy mugs her; she sprays him right in his eyes. Then when he's down writhing in agony, she decides to ROB HIM. The guy who tried to rob her! She robbed him, the cops showed up and the robber pressed charges against her for stealing his wallet. She got off on the spraying since it was self defense but she actually had to do a few days in jail for robbing a thief. Hilarious!

But I actually ended up using my musk again, a year after I sprayed the wolf at the party. It was the springtime of my junior year of college. Me and my usual crew went to this local bowling alley near campus that has dollar drink specials. So me and my girls got good and tipsy, while we bowled badly. Well not all of us but I suck at bowling, but who cares, you have cheap beer in you and you’re with friends. So while we are there we see these guys who used to live in our dorm freshmen year. There is this one guy Kevin who is really sweet. He's this kind of small really nice raccoon, big eyes nice smile, kinda gay looking but actually straight and treats girls really nice. So Kevin is there
with this other guy Steve who also lived in my dorm , a really sweet Panda
guy , who used to help me with my math papers . Then they had four other sort of geeky sweet guys with them. They were one lane over from us so we were talking to them and
joking with them the whole night. Then another lane over were these big kinda jockish, redneck type guys. Two were bears, and they were really huge like almost 7 feet tall. Then there was a wolf, and a ferret, smaller but still pretty built. So every
once in a while these big guys will yell rude comments, at Kevin and his friends questioning their sexual orientation. Just being obnoxious drunk bullying assholes. Then one of them was yelling really suggestive shit to CeeCee when she walked by on her way back from the bathroom. So eventually Kevin, Steve and those guys left. We said goodbye and continued bowling. Then a few minutes later the asshole guys left which was good. Because after our friends left they were yelling drunk rude shit over at us for the next few minutes. Eventually the management kicked them out. So we bowl
about for about 15 minutes more, hit the bathrooms, check the hair, make up, and then head to the parking lot.

So it's me CeeCee , Rachel , this adorable snow leopard we met that year Jen , Audrey
my very sweet naive squirrel friend ,Then two friends from my old elementary
school days Tanya this sweet Panda , and Kayla a skunk who used to live on
my street ( remember her ) . They were visiting me at school for the weekend. So we get out to the parking lot and there is a huge crowd gathered. We can't tell what's going on at first, we get closer and realize it's a fight. Or a fight that just ended. One of the big bears a near 7 foot grizzly, totally pummeled our sweet and diminutive friend Kevin. So we start yelling at the guys, calling them assholes and stuff, as Kevin gets helped to the car
he and friends came in. The asshole guys call us whores, and bitches, as
we stomp back to our car .We drive off with our good moods
no longer intact and decide to stop at a restaurant and eat.

We eat and are back in the car heading home when all of a sudden we hear screaming and something hits the windshield. It's like a smoothie or milkshake of some sort, and it's been whipped at our windshield. Jen is driving and all of a sudden she can't see. The drink is really thick and it's all over the windshield , she starts swerving all over the road because she's all freaked out , and it takes a few seconds for the windshield wipers to get the stuff off the car so we can see . To make a long story short she almost crashes the car. It's real warm outside so we have our windows down. I am crammed in the back
behind Jen next to Kayla, CeeCee, and Rachel. I look out the passenger-side windows to where the scream came from; it's the dickheads from the bowling alley in a car next to us. They speed up and flick us off yelling as they leave. Jen is breathing hard because she's so freaked out from almost crashing. Actually we are all totally freaked out. So I lose it. I'm like “Jen catch them!” So Jen steps on it and I climb into the front seat between Audrey and Tanya kind of crushing them. “What are you doing?” Audrey stammers as I crawl over her. Then I start unbuckling my belt, and unzipping my pants.  Then Audrey goes “Oh man are you going to do what I think you’re going to do?”
“She's done it before,” says CeeCee. I have my head out the front seat passenger side window as we start to catch up to them. Meanwhile I am pulling my pants and underwear
down past my knees. Tanya crawls in the back so I can get more room (Audrey is pretty small so she's getting less crushed). I see a stoplight up ahead so I kick off my shoes, and pull my pants my pants and underwear off completely. I am planning on running out of the car bottomless and getting in there vehicle and seeing how many I can get. After all, they almost made Jen crash the car. We nearly died. Kayla starts freaking out in the back. “Are you going to fucking spray them? You can go to jail Andrea!”
“Kayla, if I were a skunk” says CeeCee “I would have my pants off too.” ”Yeah” seconds Jen, “I would too.” So Kayla starts justifying it out loud to herself.  “Fuck dude, I guess I'm going to help you, I mean they almost killed us, I have no criminal record so I can do this once.” She's wearing a short skirt conveniently enough. So she pulls off her thong and pulls up her skirt as she crawls over the other girls to the back passenger side window. Then we hit the stop light the same time they do and pull up right up next to them. They are considerate enough to have the windows of their vehicle rolled down. I see the driver looking straight ahead at the light (one of the bears); the wolf is in the passenger seat.

I see him looking over at me as my tail goes out the window and up. My ass is about four feet from the driver, hanging out the window, my head over my shoulder trying to aim for maximum damage when the wolf yells “DRIVE!!!” The bear turns to him and says “The light's still red." The guys in the back of the car yell “go!!” Then I hear a familiar hissing sound. Kayla's ass is hanging out the window next to me, tail high in the air. She is spraying short wide bursts into the back window across from her. She's using the kind of spray a skunk uses when they have no time to aim. The one we use when chased. You drop to all fours and spray a nice wide mist. Some of it probably hit the driver too. She beats me by about one second. But I have the driver locked in my sights as he instinctually turns to his left to see whats out his window. I bear down with all my might
and squirt out two thick streams from my now exposed spray nipples. The night air feels good on them as they do what nature intended. I get him all over his face and the wolf next to him too. This is about as close as I was to the coyote at the party the first time I used my musk. The driver doubles over rubbing his eyes furiously. The wolf is doing the same. I think Kayla got him too. It was a pretty wide shot. We are kind of in the country and there are no other cars besides our two cars at the light. I then shoot a fairly lengthy wide mist into the window. A classic stereotypical skunk spray, probably getting some of the guys in the back Kayla got. We have no witnesses and I have still never been arrested for using my musk, so I decide to go for broke. I hop my naked from the waist down ass out of the car and run over to the victim's car. I stick my ass in the backseat window and start spraying short bursts. The guys are screaming like girls now. The macho bullying facade has been lost. Some of them are starting to vomit on themselves. Two try to get out the back passenger side door but Kayla beats them to it. I can tell she's getting into it. Nature has taken over. She is on the other side of the car on her hands and knees, skirt up around her waist, looking over her shoulder squirting musk into the window. Long streams that she's moving up and down like she's putting out a fire with them.

I remember when we were kids and she used to practice moving her nipples up and down, and side to side as she would spray the old tree or the broke down car in the vacant lot at the end of the street . I can tell she still remembers how to aim them. Like riding
a bike. Like she's still saying “take that bad guy “!

So my third incident. A lesson to grow on for our victims. Skunks are generally
nice people, but have some common sense and don't piss us off. Hopefully
I won't ever have to spray again. I'm sure Kayla feels the same.